Wednesday, December 30, 2009

waiting

I am amazed this blog is still here. Hello, blog.
Because I am a child of this ridiculous world, or maybe because I am just ridiculous, I need to say this out loud. I keep on waiting for an email apologizing, confessing the absurdity of the accusations she let fly against me today.
Dishonest. It's going to take me a long time to get over that one.
So now the question becomes, do I flee? Or do I "Take This Job and Love It," etc. etc. I felt like I had been subsumed by a wave of bile. Are jobs just like that? Is that the world? Do you wake up one day, go about your business, and then someone who has power over you is calling you dishonest? Because she thought you were coming back to one meeting but you went to another?
I still believe I will find a place in the world: a place that needs me and loves me and for which I am profoundly useful. I know I dream big, but I actually had a job just like that for a couple of years. And then I went to law school. (It's already been established that I'm a dumb%^&$). So do I keep looking for that perfection? I am shaking, six hours later. I wish I could just let it roll over me, but no. Instead, there is this post and the hope that I can get over this by the time I get on a plane at 7 AM for My Carefree Vacation.
Dishonest.