Monday, August 6, 2007

Tightly wound up with the Boy

missing B.- as I seem to do most acutely every monday. I'm just getting used to every day with him and then- work?
this weekend was particularly intense, since my husband was out of town, and B. did not seem to have his usual tolerance for being ignored/staring at the mobile/jumping in the swing while his mother does four weeks of laundry. So it was holding B. in one hand/doing the laundry with the other. Standard stuff but a little overwhelming. And now -- things to highlight, notes to take, think, think, think -- it just feels really odd not to have him by my side.
We are now living with my brother and his wife; their 3 kids will soon descend. My brother was a stay at home dad/smartypants night law student for many years; he and my sister-in-law have raised really cool, smart kids that are pretty independent and fearless yet supersweet and like a good snuggle. I'm a little self-conscious about my parenting around him, he's very laid back about it and though I THINK I'm laid-back, it's made me realize that compared to him (at least by the time he was watching all three), I am holding on a little tight -- I jump at the slightest noise, always checking, don't let B. fuss much, etc. Classic first time parenting. Last night he suggested a nanny for all four of the kids, something that might make sense $wise and would give B. one-on-one attention during the school day (which, let's just say, is a little different from the daycare scene). So it may be an excellent option. But the thought of not taking B. into work with me or seeing him at lunch had me in tears (not shown, however- he is my older brother after all).
Tight or not, only fifty-four minutes till I see the boy! I have only have 5 hours per weekday to smother him!

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