Thursday, January 31, 2008

not the confident mom today

I am feeling pretty overwhelmed. there is a question as to whether the boy is sick. I don't think so, but hey, when he had pneumonia I thought he was cranky from teething, so I don't exactly trust my gut on these things. My husband thinks he's sick; I wonder if its because my husband is always sick. And because the boy had a 100 degree fever yesterday afternoon, daycare wants a note from the dr. - I felt like such a bad bad mom trying to convince them this morning that he's not sick. I afraid that I really have convinced myself he's not sick just because taking him to a dr. logistically, selfishly, throws my whole day into the shitter.
None of this is a big deal. Either way it will be resolved pretty soon, and we both know that they boy's not deadly ill- feverish yesterday afternoon, upchucks an occasional meal, coughs sometimes. But I think moments like this are when we both feel most out of our depth- we have no confidence in ourselves or each other's judgements, and it makes me feel very, very emotional. And dammit, I really did want to meet my bud for coffee after work.
But I guess the thing that has me worked up the most is not the baby, its that I fucked up again at work- wasn't careful, screwed up some dates on a documents whose whole point was the dates. I feel so incompetent. I am so incompetent.

Update- He ran a 102 fever two days later, it turns out the poor boy was suffering from an ear infection. So I'm 0-2 and basically should not be trusted with my own child.

No comments: