Thursday, April 17, 2008

the pump slows

After a year of asking myself every day if I made enough milk, figuring out the logistics of the extra pump session, I am consciously slowing down my pumping. Instead of three pump sessions a day, I've been doing two or even one, plus a midday nurse. Why? Because I don't want to pump at my new job - and that's next month. So I'm trying to slow down the factory, but it's hard - I am really used to doing this and so is my body. Skipping sessions just feels ... wrong. Change is not my strong suit, to put it mildly.

Realistically, unless I can dash home in the middle of the day, I may have to pump at lunch - I can't see in a month being able to go 9 hours without my boobs exploding. Lunch wouldn't be so bad - it's just that this new job is probably going to kick my ass even if i'm not taking 20 minute pump breaks out of the day. So I'd like to have one less thing to think about if I could.

Of course all this brings up the question raised hourly by family members (what a great question! i'd never thought about it!) - so when will I stop nursing altogether? I never thought I'd nurse past a year - mostly because, with working, that seemed impossible. But here I am. And nursing has gotten a little strange. He stands and nurses, squirms and nurses, nurses upsides-down, goes in for the boob like it's a fighter plane target - it's definately different from nursing a baby. My current plan is kill the during-the-day nursing over the next two months, keep the night and morning for another 4 or so. But, besides not wanting to pump anymore, I really have no idea. But there will be some nasty why-mommy-why involved. Because this boy is not the self-weaning type. The boob is my shortcut- Got a cut? Feel sad? Can't Sleep? Hey, here's a boob!- because he loves it so very, very much. And of course that will become a problem fairly soon.

Nursing is also a shortcut for me, and I'm a little anxious about how I will adjust to life without it. I definately get the happy-chemical-high from nursing- it totally mellows me out. And I'm below my pre-pregnancy weight without giving up Suzy-Qs! (honestly, don't eat these. I got one last week - and I am not picky - and man it was nasty. The frosting was straight Crisco - without enough sugar.) So I'm kind of worried I'm going to become an anxiety-ridden mess and gain back, say, 20 lbs, when this gig stops.

A plan. There will be a plan. Coming Soon, of course.

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