daycare at one

Given how much I think about daycare, and rant about it to my husband, it's kind of surprising I don't write about it more. It's just kind of . . . complicated I guess. I love them, they drive me crazy, they make me feel incompetent, THEY are incompetent, I love them, etc. All in all, it's a good place for him. And it's a really good place for me. I am so glad I've gotten to have these lunches with B. for the last year. Taking the elevator to see him in the afternoon may be the most consistently blissful moment of my day - I am going to see my baby.

He's got two teachers. One is great - warm and round with these big boobs the kids are always cozying up to. She laughs a lot and sings songs with them but is also a good disciplinarian. She could totally kick my ass and occiasionally gives me funny looks and asks THAT'S what he's having for BREAKFAST? (If she could only see what I feed him at home... he really has eaten squid). But that's all cool. The other lady drives me a little crazy. She's all office politics, always fighting with the (6?) other teachers in the segmented baby room. And she just doesn't seem to like kids, I have no idea why she does this job, considering the better-paying options in this area. She is not enjoying herself. And then there is this- I saw her (or thought I saw her) handle a 6 month old baby fairly roughly- basically shoving the baby in a chair by holding one arm and one leg. But it happened so fast, I'm not quite sure what I saw now- and when I called her on it, she denied it completely. So she kind of freaks me out. There are other fill-in teachers, and most of these I like a lot. Basically, if someone is fairly happy and talk to my son, I will like her.

There have been times over the year that have been bad - when I felt trapped at this daycare and tremendous dislike for it. But they are co-mingled with my own sensitivity to criticism, particularly around my parenting, and now when I look back at them I can see I was reacting more to implicit criticisms of me rather than anything particularly bad about the care. For instance, they were really pushing me to supplement for a while, saying he didn't have enough milk and was hungry. Which is an awful, awful thing to hear - and really pissed me off, because it wasn't neccesarily true. But well, it was some days. And that still makes me feel terrible. Also, I haven't been the best daycare parent either, particularly my forgetfulness of bottles, diapers, wipes.

All in all, I'm so glad we got in and, all things being equal, that I've worked for this year. Not that quitting was ever, ever, an option (thankyoumayIhaveanotherAccessGroupLoans?). But I'm glad he's getting out of there pretty soon. He's ready for bigger rooms, bigger stuff, bigger adventures - like hanging out with his dad and exploring Denver. And then hopefully we'll get him in somewhere a little less institutional.