blue

I have been feeling bad. Overwhelmed, anxiety, angry angry angry. Angry at B, because he cries in the middle of the night and in the car. Angry at G, because he cannot read my mind and cater to my every need. Angry at my house because it is messy, angry at having to wake up in the morning, angry at the world.

It took me about a week and half to recognize that it wasn't normal. My first thought was of course, I must be pregnant, because for the last four years any wild mood fluctuation has usually meant some variation on that. But thank god no. But recognizing it as something extraordinary and talking about it seems to be helping. And the baby not waking up at 1:30 and 4:30 last night and then screaming for an hour after I have already nursed him (as he did for the last week) is helping too.

I have big plans- omega-3s and magnesium and exercise and sleeping more and drinking more water. They have worked in the past to get me out of such holes. Hopefully they'll work to get me out of this one- even though this one feels a little deeper.